Thursday, 20 April 2017

Deforestation alert: I made a paperback

I'll just leave that there along with THIS which is a link to the PAPERBACK version of my book. Oh look, there it is again. It's my blog I can put two links in if I want to.

To pull bits out of recent reviews, it's been called a "surprisingly good book", "hilarious and sexy" and has the "subtlety of Rocky Horror" all said by people I DID NOT PAY!

Look, there's the copy I bought on the sofa. It has real pages and evryfink! And they're not blank-I checked.

In other news Crunch the Tortoise came out for a wander around the living room today. She got herself stuck on a metal bar and spent a few seconds waggling her legs in mid air until we stopped laughing, took pity on her and relocated her onto a flat surface. 

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

And now for something completely weird.

OK this wasn't my idea. Apparently people think it's a thing to interview a character they have written. Well I'm pretty much as clueless as one of mine, so if it ticks a box I don't mind having another conversation with myself. I mean, it's not like that doesn't happen on an hourly basis anyway, so why not write this nonsense example of literary art down? Enjoy or not. Who cares, no-one's reading this anyway. (Buggered if I know, wanders off for a coffee...)

The following is a transcript of an interview between an unknown Alliance reporter and Dayton Bracknell shortly after Day’s arrival on the medical facility known as LMED-1 on the moon. The original video footage has thankfully since been lost.

Reporter: Dayton Bracknell thank you for joining us. You’re in charge of Lunar Medical 1 on Urm. Tell me, what’s the weather like up there?

Day: Huh? Um…well…as you can imagine we don’t get to go outside the medical facility much on account of the lack of atmosphere.  However I’m pleased to announce that life support is functioning at 100% throughout the facility, which is obviously an improvement on last week.

Reporter: It was just a joke; we wouldn’t want you all suffocating out there. What happened last week?

Day: I’m afraid I can’t talk about that.

Reporter: What can you tell me about the work that the medical team is undertaking.

Day: Absolutely nothing.

Reporter: There must be something you can tell us.

Day: No seriously, I don’t have a clue what they’re doing.

Reporter: You are in charge of the entire facility and yet you have no idea what the facility does?

Day: Correct. I manage logistics. Call me the Clueless Guy in Charge. I’m only here temporarily while everyone technical sorts everything…er technical out. Then I’ll be back down on the planet with you guys.

Reporter: Speaking of coming back to the planet, you were in the news a few months ago after a fire incident at a certain club, where a number of high profile Alliance leaders were videoed emerging from the building in various states of undress and curious costumes, wielding implements I cannot mention on air. Can you comment on that?

Day: …I…um…I’m just here on Urm managing requests between the scientists and the Alliance, scheduling the transports that bring the kit up and making sure project codes are worked on in order.

Reporter: You gained quite a reputation for your exploits at the club, how long have you yourself been a member?

Day: …and when the work codes are complete I make sure that the next transport is on its way from the planet with the correct gear to complete the next work order. I don’t know what’s involved in each work order, I just have lists of equipment needed and codes. I have lots of codes. And plenty of words I don’t understand. Lots of words.

Reporter: Are any of those safe words?

Day: …

Reporter: Is it true that you were one of the first members of the club to be awarded the coveted Perpetual Thrust Membership?

Day: Yeah I was, I…I mean, I can tell you that we are experimenting with sustainable food substitutes. We have made some progress in this; the last batch didn’t even make anyone ill. The… er observation deck with the recreation area isn’t complete yet, but despite this, morale is excellent on the base. Part of my job is to make sure the personnel don’t go mad…er to make sure they are happy to live and work here. I schedule social events and the occasional party during downtime, nothing extravagant.

Reporter: Are any of these parties like the ones at the club?

Day: We recently installed a substitute ice cream machine on the lower obs deck. That has proven quite popular.

Reporter: OK I can tell you don’t want to talk about the infamous Bracknell sexploits. What would you say is your biggest achievement on the base to date?

Day: I know how to change the temperature setting on the vending machines now.

Reporter: Dayton Bracknell, thank you for that insight into the lives of the personnel on Urm.

Monday, 10 April 2017

Author Interview: gather round and meet Aislinn Kearns.

Did you miss me? It's OK to lie if you didn't. Today you will be relieved to know that you are going to hear from someone other than me. So I'll be brief and let the questions fly. Let's have a warm round of applause for author Aislinn Kearns (nope I'm still not a TV host!)

AJ: Tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, where you’re from, if you write full time, what you do for fun. (Inside leg measurement, head circumference and shoe size-kidding!)

AK: Hi! I’m Aislinn Kearns and I write a romantic suspense series with military heroes and heroines. I’m an Aussie that’s recently moved back home after two years in Qatar. I write full-time at the moment, and I’m loving every minute.

For fun, I read, and watch TV and films, and I love cooking (and, more importantly, eating!). But when you work for yourself, finding time for fun is a real challenge!

AJ: It's a challenge, but in my opinion one that can't be ignored. Did you always want to be an author? When did you first start writing?

AK: I did always want to be an author! However, it took me many years and a number of false starts before accepting that it was my true passion in life. I’ve worked many different jobs before finding my happiness pursuing this.

I first started writing when I was a very small child. I think I wrote my first story at about six years old! Thankfully, I’ve improved a bit since then.

AJ: That's about the same age as I was. I can't guarantee I've improved since then. (I am joking-honestly!) Now that you have several titles published, what lessons have you learnt about the writing process?

AK: Oh boy, what haven’t I learned? I’ve learned to be more disciplined, to outline a bit better (though this is still a learning process!), and the value of taking breaks to recharge your writing mind (but not too many!)

AJ: As an Indie Author is there anything from writing through to promotion and publication that you wish you didn’t have to do?

AK: Trying to find people to review your book can be pretty soul destroying, so I really wish I didn’t have to spend so much time at that.

AJ: Just reading that answer made me groan-so true! What’s the hardest part about writing Romantic Suspense?

AK: Balancing the evolution of the suspense plot, with the progression of the romance, with the individual characters’ development so that they all resolve at the right places in the story.

AJ: Tell us about where you write. Do you have a dedicated space or are you able to write anywhere?

AK: As long as it is calm and quiet, I can write anywhere. Soon I’ll get set up with a dedicated space, though, to train my brain to think ‘At Desk = Writing’.

AJ: I need one of them. I do "At sofa=procrastinating!" Name a place fictional or real that you’d like to visit.

AK: The Scottish Highlands is top of my list, though Iceland is up there, too.

AJ: Who are your favourite authors and what are you reading at the moment?

AK: I adore Suzanne Brockmann. At the moment I’m reading The Sapphire Affair by Lauren Blakely in audiobook. She has a great way with sexy, flirtatious banter.

AJ: Do you listen to music while you write? Who is on your current play list?
AK: Nope, I need complete silence! Occasionally I’ll listen to some fast instrumental music for a writing sprint (Mortal Kombat theme, Pirates of the Caribbean theme, etc). But silence is much better for me.

AJ: What are you working on at the moment?

AK: Book 4 in the Soldiering On series (aka Sam’s book!) and I’m developing a Christmas novella which will be my first Contemporary Romance release (without the suspense!). I also started writing a spinoff of the Soldiering On series featuring a (surprise) character from Dangerous Victor, which I’ll finish this year.

AJ: Finally, if you weren’t an author and you could choose to do anything else with your life what would you do?

AK: Be rich and lounge around all day! I’d probably still write, though. I can’t seem to stop.

AJ: I think I'd always write too. Aislinn Kearns, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me.

AK: Thanks for having me!

Follow Aislinn by clicking all of these links simultaneaously, I insist.

Buy Aislinn's latest release
Free short story when you sign up for Aislinn's...

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Pointless Post Alert

And all you people who think all my posts are pointless, I'll have you know on occasion I have the ability to make sense. I'm scheduling the next one of those for 2020. For now you'll have to put up with this:

I've got new trainers. They match my hair. Kind of-I don't have pink laces in my hair.

It has been one of those weeks (yes, I am aware it's only Wednesday) where celebrating a cheap new pair of trainers is something I'm going to have to cling to as a positive step forward. I have done so much and achieved bugger all. (Kudos to me for not saying fuck all. Oh.) I'll just leave that there in the middle of the paragraph and no-one will notice. It's not like anybody reads this bloody thing anyway!

Moving's the Easter holidays. Occasionally the teenagers come downstairs in search of food. On one occasion Teen2 came into the kitchen and asked where Crunch the tortoise was. We searched the tortoise table. Error, tortoise not found where tortoise expected. We searched behind the tortoise table in case she had sprouted wings and gained the ability to fly out of the box. Nada. I picked up the food bowl. So apparently burying oneself under one's food bowl is now a thing. I know Russian tortoises dig, but can't she put up a flag or something alerting us to where she has decided to bury herself? Most inconsiderate.

And just so you know, I have a headache. 

And I'm coming back as a man.

And yes those two things are related.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Requires sleep, a holiday and a lottery win.

I'm in the middle of writtin (I can't even type) writing the second book to follow on from the...oh FFS you know what I mean. Anyway, it's erotica. I've been putting it off for days. I'm up to the point where I need to write a sex scene, something hardly anyone knows me for, because I'm known as the wife, mother, sister, aunt, nephew (huh?), diet consultant. I find writing tiring probably because like many other authors it's not my only focus during the day. I find writing erotica particularly tiring for some reason and I can assure you it's not because I'm physically researching every scene as I write it. Although that's not a bad idea...

I've been working on my business, writing a few words and promoting the Spring Book Festival for the past three days and I'm knackered-not in the good way!

Don't get me wrong, naturally, I'm not averse to writing a sex scene, I've read enough. (Personally I'm as pure as the driven snow, don't you know...) I was however wondering if I could just type the words "insert sex scene here" and let the reader write their own. Bit like John Cage's 4'33" (If you watch that You Tube video-I can play that.) No? Damn.

Let's focus on progress I have made for a minute. Some of this will make no sense if you haven't read past blog posts. Well, what can I say, do keep up! They're still there, help yourself. 

As I clearly like talking about inserting things into other things:

-I finally successfully inserted toilet rim blocks into the toilets. No strawberries were harmed in the process.
-I have inserted my daughter's newly acquired birthday presents into wrapping paper.
-I have inserted the family dinner into various cooking devices.
-The family has inserted said dinner into their mouths and had a damn good mastication.
-Apparently I am now inserting yet another cold coffee into my mouth.

And no, there was literally no reason for this blog post.

Why are you still here?

Last chance...

It's the last day of Navigating Indieworld's Spring Book Festival. Don't miss out on all the free and discounted books we have on offer. 

There are books covering multiple genres including mine which is still available for 0.99 here. After the event the price will be 2.99 which frankly is worth every penny for something that has the "subtlety of Rocky Horror," is a "surprisingly good book" and "presses all the right buttons." I didn't even make that up-three different people said that.

So have a look and enjoy!

Friday, 24 March 2017

Pay attention, I have something to say

Before I go off and do family weekend things which I'll tell you about later-I'd like to draw your attention to that banner. Read it, I'll wait. Remember this website:

Between those dates go take a look and see what books you might like to read. These are written by a multitude of talented indie authors and me! There are many different genres. Something for everyone. Yes even you. Yeah I know how fussy you are, but even so, you should take a look. You never know, we might surprise you. 

Some of the books will be on offer for the duration of the event. I'm in the erotica section, and just for the event Modified will cost a mere 0.99, go on, it'd be rude not to!

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Stop the world...

I could say it's been one of those weeks. It's only Tuesday. (I think.) I could also say it's been one of those years, but it's only March. Maybe it's just one of those lives!

I went out to buy a toilet rim block for the downstairs loo this morning, couldn't find one, came back with a punnet of strawberries. Not sure how that will work. But I'll run with it.

I started the week with a long list of things that I needed to do all under the heading of wife/mother/work/author. I failed to write the list down. Fatal. Now, as well as losing half my mind, apparently I've lost half my list. But I've gained strawberries. Does that help?

This is where I need to win a serious amount of money on the lottery so I can employ an assistant.

So far I think I have managed to ascertain that we'll be able to get into London for the annual theatre trip, despite the best efforts of the rail company to thwart my plans.

I have remembered that I need to cause an outburst of maniacal hysterics by working out how much it'll cost to replace our bathroom before the wall at the back of the shower cubicle falls down. Add to that the numbers involved in replacing the family caravan with something more suitable for what is in effect a family of four adults. And whereas I have booked in Sam the degu and Crunch the tortoise for their holiday this year, I have yet to secure a place for Cossie the bearded dragon.

I absolutely wrecked my diet over the last few days because we were celebrating my husband's birthday. I've now got a run of a few days to undo that madness before the next birthday.

Speaking of which, there is a possibility of a lunch out that won't break the bank for our daughter's birthday. But I have realised that unless a box of After Eights, a hair widget and a bookmark are deemed exemplary gifts, I have a stunning lack of 17th birthday presents sorted out. I suppose I should be grateful that she at least likes strawberries...

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

SEX Now I Have Your Attention

Morning, evening, who knows. I think I'll declare a coffee emergency. There is not enough of it to deal with today. I'm shattered and I haven't done anything yet. It is very grey beyond the dinosaur model standing guard at the French doors. I'm blaming the weather for my lack of energy.

For those asking, Nate and Day, the sequel to Modified is about half finished. Or more. They've just got to the bit where the thingy happens and Widget decides to do the something that means that the other bit has an issue. But it's all OK in the end because the vending machines still work and some people removed items of clothing.

In the mean time I've written a couple of articles for the Navigating Indieworld web site recently. This one is my favourite, naturally. It's kinda clean. Sort of. 

SEX Now I Have Your Attention

Enjoy your articles responsibly.

Monday, 13 March 2017

New Super Power...

...nothing quite like blowing your nose and being able to feel a stream of tears shoot out of your right tear duct. I'm not sure if that has a purpose, but what can I say, it made me feel quite speshul! Bloody cold. 

In other news I bought a new book cover. I have given in and put naked people on the front of my book. Looks like this:

I have no idea who these people are, but with any luck the cover now looks like it's probably not a physics text book or something wholly factual. It was either that or a banner on the front saying "Warning contains naked people."

I have also written a short story which will be included in a free anthology coming up. The short story does not contain naked people. Although there are a couple of guys wandering around in bathrobes and work boots, but only because it amused me. More news of that later.

And for now, here's a short video of Sam the Degu making a racket trying to destroy his cage.


Thursday, 9 March 2017

Author interview with the talented Ember Raine Winters.

Good morning/evening/whatever. I don't know where you are, I barely know where I am. Today I am thrilled to be able to showcase the lovely and talented Ember-Raine Winters. Grab a coffee and I will attempt to ask some intelligent questions...

-Tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, where you’re from, what do you write, do you write full time or do you have another job and what you do for fun when you’re not writing. (Inside leg measurement, head circumference, shoe size-kidding!)

HAHA! I have a huge head but I guess it's better for my huge brain! *laughs* My name is Ember-Raine Winters and I am from Southern California. I have written in two separate genres, YA Dystopian and Adult Romantic Suspense. I do write somewhat full time but only because I help my mom with her printing business as well. I love to read and writing and social media have become a passion of mine since I started my publishing journey a year ago.

-Was writing a lifelong ambition? When did you start?

Writing wasn't a lifelong dream. I always liked the idea of creating my own worlds, but I never actually tried to write a full length novel until about three or four years ago. I have been hooked ever since.

-Producing a book involves many different things-what do you enjoy the most?

I love interacting with readers. A part of the new marketing strategy I have started, I do a lot of Facebook takeovers on blog pages. It is so much fun interacting and getting to know readers! I love it!

-Is there anything from writing through to promotion and publication that you wish you didn’t have to do?

The whole graphics thing gives me the most trouble and its one of those "do I really need that" types of things. I hate it, but I do it because they really are needed.

-(Please don't mention graphics right now I might cry. I cannot do graphics) Tell us about where you write. Do you have a dedicated space or are you able to write anywhere?

I do a lot of my writing from my phone so, in theory I can write from anywhere but I have a patio chair in my backyard that I do a lot of my writing in.

-I would love that. Alas it rained yesterday so maybe not! Do you have a process or any habits that must be completed before you start writing?

No not at all. I am easy when it comes to writing. If I have just started a story and put it down for awhile I will go back and read what I have written so far and continue from there.

-Name a place fictional or real that you’d like to visit.

Ireland! I have always wanted to go to Ireland and do like a two week long tour of the whole country. It wouldn't hurt things to meet a hot Irish guy with a sexy accent! Haha!

-Another place on my doorstep I've never been to, I really ought to get out more! Who are your favourite authors and what are you reading at the moment?

I haven't been able to read a lot lately I have been busy promoting and writing. I love Rick Riordan, and JK Rowling, I also love K. Bromberg, she's an awesome romance author.

-What music do you like? Who is on your current play list?

I love older late 90's early 2000's rock and pop. 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park and Matchbox 20 are on my playlist constantly!

-Ah older lol I grew up in the 80s-older still! Finally, if you weren’t a writer and you could choose to do anything else with your life what would you do?

I have been wanting to start a non-profit sports organization that helps underprivileged kids pay for sports programs. I would probably do that.

Thank you so much! Earthlings you may now click all these links to be transported elsewhere. Off you go. Click stuff.

Deforestation alert: I made a paperback

I'll just leave that there along with THIS which is a link to the PAPERBACK  version of my book. Oh look, there it is again. It'...