Tuesday, 25 July 2017


Everyone likes something for free. For a limited time only, 24th July-30th July if you're after books to download for the summer that won't cost a penny, go to this link:

It includes a link to the free download of my book Modified, (for which I infiltrated the humour section.) The direct link to mine is: 

Free, loads of them. All different genres. Why are you still here? I've got nothing else of any interest to say. Go away.

Thursday, 20 July 2017

I like radishes...

This is worthy of a blog post. 
Radish Fiction is an app that publishes bite-sized serialised fiction. 

Some works are published for free in their entirety, in the unsurprisingly named Free setting (like Wattpad.) The first three chapters of anything are always free. If a book is set to Freemium, the first three chapters are free and the reader then either waits a week for the next chapter to become available for free or pays a small amount of coins (just like any other app/game coins) to release the next chapter. 

There is a Premium option where the chapters always have to be released with coins.

Radish authors are there by invitation only.

The reason I'm telling you this?...

I've just been invited to join Radish as an author.

I am absolutely thrilled to announce that Modified will be available for free as soon as I've uploaded it all. 

I already have so many ideas for future stories.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Nobody told me to stop it, so I wrote another one.

Announcing the Sci-Fi/Erotica/Humour sequel quite literally no-one was waiting for. Well OK, maybe those three people in the corner.

Meet Nate and Day (Lunar Medical Book 2.) They will be let loose on humankind from 14th July in various formats including ebook, paperback, naked, and Enceffian Telepathy especially for that weirdo reading over your shoulder.

Can the team make it back to the planet in one piece? Will they find survivors to bring back to the LMED-1 moon base. Will Nate and Day be able to redress the… well… themselves, it is erotica.

Full of whatever it was that made Modified an enjoyable read, Nate and Day has a snappy title and a really good cover.

Nate and Day is available to pre-order HERE

And if you successfully managed to avoid it first time around, Modified is now 99p (or something completely different outside the UK.) Available HERE as well as other eBook sellers.

Monday, 19 June 2017

Meanwhile as everyone melts-I'm writing hot stuff!

It's hot in more ways than one at the moment. I believe the temperature outside is somewhere near 30C. That's hot for all those who work in Fahrenheit (apparently I got that spelling right first time-surprised me!)

In my writing corner, where my living room fan appears to be cooling the coffee table more than me, I'm putting the finishing touches to my second novel. I have a cover, I have a title, words have been written. It will be released to all three of you who are "eagerly" awaiting it in a few weeks. (Don't ask me for a date, something will only happen and I'll miss it. It's been one of those lives!)

But first here is the new (yes another new one) cover for my first book. It's a series, both covers are of a similar design, it had to be done, don't complain at me, I only write the things. I promise to leave it alone now. The cover that is, there's no guaranteeing I won't fiddle with other things.

Say hi to Fiona and Day. I quite like him-in a "purely unprofessional manner."

Monday, 5 June 2017

Strange place to keep your socks and other nonsense.

Fell off the face of the planet for a couple of weeks there. I would like to be able to report that I have won a literary award, the lottery and a new bathroom suite, but I haven't. Come to think of it, if I'd won the lottery I would be able to afford a new bathroom suite and as for an award for writing-Oh the hilarity!

Laptop screen was grubby, grabbed the first thing to hand to wipe it down-a sock I took off last week that was still on the sofa next to me. Turns out used socks are as good as anything else to get dust off a touchscreen. It doesn't smell, it also didn't stick to the wall when I chucked it, so I guess that's OK to wear again, if I don't start cleaning things with it.

My eyesight isn't superb at the moment. According to tests my long vision with my contact lenses is 20/20. Close vision is something else entirely. Unfortunately, I don't have long arms to type at a distance, so everything on the screen needs to be made mahoosive in order for me to see it. With that in mind, I converted a version of Nate and Day to a mobi file so I could read it on my phone. Blimey, wish I'd done that with book one, it is so much easier to read than trying to focus on the laptop. I'm regressing into someone that needs words big enough to fill four to a line.

Speaking of which, I am currently on what I hope to be the last edit of Nate and Day-Lunar Medical book 2. It's a damn good romp interspersed with some very powerful scenes. If nothing else I am very good at writing destruction and angst. I've written a roller coaster. I am working with an excellent cover designer who is producing covers for both books, so I can keep the series in similar designs.

In Pet News-Crunch the tortoise has ventured out into the garden a few times now that the weather is warmer. She has discovered that dandelions are OK to eat, but only after we broke the flowers off and gave them to her. She's only about 9cm long and the flowers were about a foot above her head. 


In Mum News-our 13 year old son out grew the trousers I bought him just two months ago. He's barely worn them. He's now surpassed his age in trousers. Last week these new/old ones were above the tops of his socks. When did that happen?

In business news-due to lack of necessity and fatigue, I quit working evenings. This means that as the kids get home from school later due to after school events, I can cook dinner without having to worry about getting it done before the clients arrive. That decision has been a long time in the making and has inconvenienced a sum total of no people.

Monday, 15 May 2017

Dragon, shoes, intravenous need for caffeine and a new book

The trouble with chronic fatigue type conditions is that they are on going. There are good days and bad days. I'm lucky, I'm someone who is virtually always functioning to varying degrees, however, just because I do, doesn't mean I'm feeling OK doing it. Having chronic fatigue doesn't mean an individual is bed bound. That's not me. Today I don't mind telling you I'm bloody knackered and all my other symptoms are also making their presence known.

Thanks to the individuals who set off the ransomware attack at the weekend, my husband had to work an extra day and that put our plans at the weekend back. I ended up doing too much yesterday and I'm suffering for it today. And that's how it goes. It's like rebooting every morning without enough energy as it is for the entire day. But if you do too much on one day, the effects of the fatigue escalate over the coming days. Remember there is no such thing as refreshing sleep, that's for normal people.

Now for anyone who read Oh For the Love of All Things Caffeinated which included the mention of acquiring suitable school shoes for a 13 year old boy who walks 3 miles a day, I purchased a pair for £48. I've checked back. That was at the beginning of March this year. THEY NOW RUB BLISTERS. Well I'll be buggered if I'm going to shell out another £48 for a pair just for him to outgrow them in two months. (Although that would be the summer holidays) So whilst away at the weekend we stopped off at the same shop's factory outlet store and picked up a pair for £18. I'm now forced to weigh up if it's worth travelling 50 minutes by car to save £30 on a pair of shoes.


Cossie the bearded dragon has been off her game recently. I think that's partly my fault. Last week it took me several hours to realise that her heat lamp wasn't working. I keep a spare bulb, so I changed it, it worked, I ordered a new spare. I ordered 100 locusts which is what she gets through in just over a week. Cossie stopped eating. I'm now feeding the locusts in the box and watching Cossie give the ones in her vivarium a ride on her head!

Today, Cossie's heat lamp died again. I changed the bulb for the new spare. Nothing. I changed the fuse in the plug, the new spare works the old spare is dead. £6 down the drain. Hopefully when she's warmed up a bit she'll start eating again. I don't care if insects are becoming the latest must have food item, I'm not eating locusts.

I have finished writing Nate and Day, the second book in the Lunar Medical series. I'm currently looking for beta readers, you never know I might have inadvertently dug a plot hole. If I don't find anyone to read it I'll hit publish when I've bought a cover, I am eager to release the book for the three people who are waiting for it. Yes, that many, I'm impressed too...

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Oooh oooh have you seen...

...the first edition of Indie Authors Monthly? It's utterly FREE. Either read it online at Magzter.com or download the app.

Connecting Indie Authors with the Readers who love them! Go on, give it a go.

Friday, 28 April 2017

Suddenly it's like buses...

I don't blog in weeks, then all of a sudden there are two posts in one day.

On one of my walks this week a woman was seen taking a squirrel on a lead for a walk. Or, it might have been a tiny dog. I suppose that's more likely. I have definitely seen bigger squirrels.


A few weeks ago we had the almost annual family theatre trip into London where we saw Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead starring Daniel Radcliffe, Joshua McGuire and David Haig. Boy, that play has some words! It was very funny, thoroughly enjoyed it, could have done without the 6' 5" couple that were sat in front of me. Luckily, I saw it at the NT Live screening a couple of weeks later and got a better view! It was still very funny and I still thoroughly enjoyed it. And the 6'5" couple had not followed me to the cinema.

We've had to change the car. The old one made my right leg lose contact with the rest of my body. I can now sit in a higher seat, with all my limbs properly attached and drive along, looking down at the mere mortals in lower cars.


Crunch the tortoise had to be rescued from a break dancing attempt. She was all waggling legs in the air whilst lying on her back for a few seconds. That's what happens when you climb up things and hurl yourself off the top. As my husband says, it's a rubbish design for an animal. I have now lowered everything in her home so she is unlikely to be able do that again.


Having finally produced a paperback version of Modified, I am currently a third of the way through a first edit of Nate and Day (Lunar Medical book 2). I'll publish it any year now.

Gather round: I'm having a chat with Nathan Bush.

Today, I have the pleasure of welcoming Nathan Bush, author of The Foley Chronicles. Thank you so much for attending my interrogation. Welcome to the madhouse that is my blog.

Amy:  Tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, where you’re from, do you write full time and what do you do for fun? (Inside leg measurement, head circumference, shoe size-kidding!)

Nathan: Thanks for having me, Amy. Let’s see. I’ve been married to my wonderful wife, Tammy, since 2003. Together we have five children. All but one are grown and have been released out into the world! I’m a transplanted Yankee and I have been in the south for over twenty years.

I work full-time and write part-time. Which means I write when I get the time. Usually late into the night, when it’s quiet in the house.

(My inseam is 30-32; head circumference is basketballish; shoe size varies.)

Amy: 😁 excellent, I think you're one of the only people to answer those! And...FIVE? FIVE kids? I'm not sure I'd cope with five. Stopped at two-and I'm barely sane! When did you first start writing and did you enjoy it right from the start?

Nathan: I started writing in middle school and on into high school and fell in love with it immediately. I worked on the school newspaper and literary magazine, but after I graduated it kind of fell to the wayside when life took over and my kids came along.

Amy: Ah yes, responsibilities, I can relate to that, a similar thing happened to me. Out of the entire process of writing and publishing what do you enjoy the most?

Nathan: Writing is definitely the most enjoyable part for me. Creating the characters and watching them come alive, and seeing how they react to whatever situations I throw at them is like nothing else I’ve ever done.

Amy: Agree-again! As an Indie Author is there anything from writing through to promotion and publication that you wish you didn’t have to do?

Nathan: Everything after the writing! Seriously, my least favorite part is all of the editing that has to be done. And no matter how many times I go through my manuscript, I always find mistakes I missed on the previous read through. It seems never-ending.

Amy: You see, I love all that stuff, she lied! It is a daunting necessity. Tell us about where you write. Do you have a dedicated space or are you able to write anywhere?

Nathan: I had a desk in my office where I used to write, but after a recent move I no longer have that, so I usually write at the kitchen table, or in my recliner, on occasion.

I do find myself writing notes to myself anywhere or any time an idea comes up, though. And I have considered downloading the Word app from Microsoft, just in case.

Amy: I jot things down in Notes on the iPhone which has now apparently become another limb on my body! Do you have a process or any habits that must be completed before you start writing?

Nathan: There is the ritualistic offering of small animals. Just kidding! No, I just sit down and it just starts pouring out.

Amy: That gets a bit messy after a while, I got fed up with the clean up afterwards. Name a place fictional or real that you’d like to visit.

Nathan: I went to DC a few years ago with our Youth Ministry on a prayer mission. It’s a remarkable place. I would like to visit there again. If any local churches are looking for a chaperone, I’m available!

Amy: Who are your favourite authors and what are you reading at the moment?

Nathan: I’ve been a Stephen King fan most of my life. In fact, I started out writing horror stories. But now I mostly read Ted Dekker, Frank Peretti, and Randy Alcorn. I’m getting into Terri Blackstock.

Amy: Do you listen to music when you write? Who is on your current play list?

Nathan: Most times I do. I have multiple channels on Pandora, so it really depends on who I’m focusing on during that time. Anything from Christian, to Country, to Mediterranean.

Amy: What are you working on at the moment?

Nathan: I’m currently editing and rewriting book 2 of my Christian crime series, The Foley Chronicles: Files from the 8th District, as well as writing book 3, and plotting books 4, 5, and 6.

Amy: Finally, if you weren’t a writer and you could choose to do anything else with your life what would you do?

Nathan: I’ve always been fascinated by criminal psychology, especially after I read Mind Hunter, a book by John Douglas (long before Criminal Minds came along). He was one of the creators of the FBI’s Criminal Profiling Program, so I would have to say FBI Profiler.

That is a fascinating field. Thanks very much Nathan. 

Everyone else click on these links all at once and buy Nathan's book:

Facebook    Blog    Amazon

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Deforestation alert: I made a paperback

I'll just leave that there along with THIS which is a link to the PAPERBACK version of my book. Oh look, there it is again. It's my blog I can put two links in if I want to.

To pull bits out of recent reviews, it's been called a "surprisingly good book", "hilarious and sexy" and has the "subtlety of Rocky Horror" all said by people I DID NOT PAY!

Look, there's the copy I bought on the sofa. It has real pages and evryfink! And they're not blank-I checked.

In other news Crunch the Tortoise came out for a wander around the living room today. She got herself stuck on a metal bar and spent a few seconds waggling her legs in mid air until we stopped laughing, took pity on her and relocated her onto a flat surface. 

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

And now for something completely weird.

OK this wasn't my idea. Apparently people think it's a thing to interview a character they have written. Well I'm pretty much as clueless as one of mine, so if it ticks a box I don't mind having another conversation with myself. I mean, it's not like that doesn't happen on an hourly basis anyway, so why not write this nonsense example of literary art down? Enjoy or not. Who cares, no-one's reading this anyway. (Buggered if I know, wanders off for a coffee...)

The following is a transcript of an interview between an unknown Alliance reporter and Dayton Bracknell shortly after Day’s arrival on the medical facility known as LMED-1 on the moon. The original video footage has thankfully since been lost.

Reporter: Dayton Bracknell thank you for joining us. You’re in charge of Lunar Medical 1 on Urm. Tell me, what’s the weather like up there?

Day: Huh? Um…well…as you can imagine we don’t get to go outside the medical facility much on account of the lack of atmosphere.  However I’m pleased to announce that life support is functioning at 100% throughout the facility, which is obviously an improvement on last week.

Reporter: It was just a joke; we wouldn’t want you all suffocating out there. What happened last week?

Day: I’m afraid I can’t talk about that.

Reporter: What can you tell me about the work that the medical team is undertaking.

Day: Absolutely nothing.

Reporter: There must be something you can tell us.

Day: No seriously, I don’t have a clue what they’re doing.

Reporter: You are in charge of the entire facility and yet you have no idea what the facility does?

Day: Correct. I manage logistics. Call me the Clueless Guy in Charge. I’m only here temporarily while everyone technical sorts everything…er technical out. Then I’ll be back down on the planet with you guys.

Reporter: Speaking of coming back to the planet, you were in the news a few months ago after a fire incident at a certain club, where a number of high profile Alliance leaders were videoed emerging from the building in various states of undress and curious costumes, wielding implements I cannot mention on air. Can you comment on that?

Day: …I…um…I’m just here on Urm managing requests between the scientists and the Alliance, scheduling the transports that bring the kit up and making sure project codes are worked on in order.

Reporter: You gained quite a reputation for your exploits at the club, how long have you yourself been a member?

Day: …and when the work codes are complete I make sure that the next transport is on its way from the planet with the correct gear to complete the next work order. I don’t know what’s involved in each work order, I just have lists of equipment needed and codes. I have lots of codes. And plenty of words I don’t understand. Lots of words.

Reporter: Are any of those safe words?

Day: …

Reporter: Is it true that you were one of the first members of the club to be awarded the coveted Perpetual Thrust Membership?

Day: Yeah I was, I…I mean, I can tell you that we are experimenting with sustainable food substitutes. We have made some progress in this; the last batch didn’t even make anyone ill. The… er observation deck with the recreation area isn’t complete yet, but despite this, morale is excellent on the base. Part of my job is to make sure the personnel don’t go mad…er to make sure they are happy to live and work here. I schedule social events and the occasional party during downtime, nothing extravagant.

Reporter: Are any of these parties like the ones at the club?

Day: We recently installed a substitute ice cream machine on the lower obs deck. That has proven quite popular.

Reporter: OK I can tell you don’t want to talk about the infamous Bracknell sexploits. What would you say is your biggest achievement on the base to date?

Day: I know how to change the temperature setting on the vending machines now.

Reporter: Dayton Bracknell, thank you for that insight into the lives of the personnel on Urm.

Monday, 10 April 2017

Author Interview: gather round and meet Aislinn Kearns.

Did you miss me? It's OK to lie if you didn't. Today you will be relieved to know that you are going to hear from someone other than me. So I'll be brief and let the questions fly. Let's have a warm round of applause for author Aislinn Kearns (nope I'm still not a TV host!)

AJ: Tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, where you’re from, if you write full time, what you do for fun. (Inside leg measurement, head circumference and shoe size-kidding!)

AK: Hi! I’m Aislinn Kearns and I write a romantic suspense series with military heroes and heroines. I’m an Aussie that’s recently moved back home after two years in Qatar. I write full-time at the moment, and I’m loving every minute.

For fun, I read, and watch TV and films, and I love cooking (and, more importantly, eating!). But when you work for yourself, finding time for fun is a real challenge!

AJ: It's a challenge, but in my opinion one that can't be ignored. Did you always want to be an author? When did you first start writing?

AK: I did always want to be an author! However, it took me many years and a number of false starts before accepting that it was my true passion in life. I’ve worked many different jobs before finding my happiness pursuing this.

I first started writing when I was a very small child. I think I wrote my first story at about six years old! Thankfully, I’ve improved a bit since then.

AJ: That's about the same age as I was. I can't guarantee I've improved since then. (I am joking-honestly!) Now that you have several titles published, what lessons have you learnt about the writing process?

AK: Oh boy, what haven’t I learned? I’ve learned to be more disciplined, to outline a bit better (though this is still a learning process!), and the value of taking breaks to recharge your writing mind (but not too many!)

AJ: As an Indie Author is there anything from writing through to promotion and publication that you wish you didn’t have to do?

AK: Trying to find people to review your book can be pretty soul destroying, so I really wish I didn’t have to spend so much time at that.

AJ: Just reading that answer made me groan-so true! What’s the hardest part about writing Romantic Suspense?

AK: Balancing the evolution of the suspense plot, with the progression of the romance, with the individual characters’ development so that they all resolve at the right places in the story.

AJ: Tell us about where you write. Do you have a dedicated space or are you able to write anywhere?

AK: As long as it is calm and quiet, I can write anywhere. Soon I’ll get set up with a dedicated space, though, to train my brain to think ‘At Desk = Writing’.

AJ: I need one of them. I do "At sofa=procrastinating!" Name a place fictional or real that you’d like to visit.

AK: The Scottish Highlands is top of my list, though Iceland is up there, too.

AJ: Who are your favourite authors and what are you reading at the moment?

AK: I adore Suzanne Brockmann. At the moment I’m reading The Sapphire Affair by Lauren Blakely in audiobook. She has a great way with sexy, flirtatious banter.

AJ: Do you listen to music while you write? Who is on your current play list?
AK: Nope, I need complete silence! Occasionally I’ll listen to some fast instrumental music for a writing sprint (Mortal Kombat theme, Pirates of the Caribbean theme, etc). But silence is much better for me.

AJ: What are you working on at the moment?

AK: Book 4 in the Soldiering On series (aka Sam’s book!) and I’m developing a Christmas novella which will be my first Contemporary Romance release (without the suspense!). I also started writing a spinoff of the Soldiering On series featuring a (surprise) character from Dangerous Victor, which I’ll finish this year.

AJ: Finally, if you weren’t an author and you could choose to do anything else with your life what would you do?

AK: Be rich and lounge around all day! I’d probably still write, though. I can’t seem to stop.

AJ: I think I'd always write too. Aislinn Kearns, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me.

AK: Thanks for having me!

Follow Aislinn by clicking all of these links simultaneaously, I insist.

Buy Aislinn's latest release
Free short story when you sign up for Aislinn's...

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Pointless Post Alert

And all you people who think all my posts are pointless, I'll have you know on occasion I have the ability to make sense. I'm scheduling the next one of those for 2020. For now you'll have to put up with this:

I've got new trainers. They match my hair. Kind of-I don't have pink laces in my hair.

It has been one of those weeks (yes, I am aware it's only Wednesday) where celebrating a cheap new pair of trainers is something I'm going to have to cling to as a positive step forward. I have done so much and achieved bugger all. (Kudos to me for not saying fuck all. Oh.) I'll just leave that there in the middle of the paragraph and no-one will notice. It's not like anybody reads this bloody thing anyway!

Moving on...it's the Easter holidays. Occasionally the teenagers come downstairs in search of food. On one occasion Teen2 came into the kitchen and asked where Crunch the tortoise was. We searched the tortoise table. Error, tortoise not found where tortoise expected. We searched behind the tortoise table in case she had sprouted wings and gained the ability to fly out of the box. Nada. I picked up the food bowl. So apparently burying oneself under one's food bowl is now a thing. I know Russian tortoises dig, but can't she put up a flag or something alerting us to where she has decided to bury herself? Most inconsiderate.

And just so you know, I have a headache. 

And I'm coming back as a man.

And yes those two things are related.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Requires sleep, a holiday and a lottery win.

I'm in the middle of writtin (I can't even type) writing the second book to follow on from the...oh FFS you know what I mean. Anyway, it's erotica. I've been putting it off for days. I'm up to the point where I need to write a sex scene, something hardly anyone knows me for, because I'm known as the wife, mother, sister, aunt, nephew (huh?), diet consultant. I find writing tiring probably because like many other authors it's not my only focus during the day. I find writing erotica particularly tiring for some reason and I can assure you it's not because I'm physically researching every scene as I write it. Although that's not a bad idea...

I've been working on my business, writing a few words and promoting the www.navigatingindieworld.com Spring Book Festival for the past three days and I'm knackered-not in the good way!

Don't get me wrong, naturally, I'm not averse to writing a sex scene, I've read enough. (Personally I'm as pure as the driven snow, don't you know...) I was however wondering if I could just type the words "insert sex scene here" and let the reader write their own. Bit like John Cage's 4'33" (If you watch that You Tube video-I can play that.) No? Damn.

Let's focus on progress I have made for a minute. Some of this will make no sense if you haven't read past blog posts. Well, what can I say, do keep up! They're still there, help yourself. 

As I clearly like talking about inserting things into other things:

-I finally successfully inserted toilet rim blocks into the toilets. No strawberries were harmed in the process.
-I have inserted my daughter's newly acquired birthday presents into wrapping paper.
-I have inserted the family dinner into various cooking devices.
-The family has inserted said dinner into their mouths and had a damn good mastication.
-Apparently I am now inserting yet another cold coffee into my mouth.

And no, there was literally no reason for this blog post.

Why are you still here?

Last chance...

It's the last day of Navigating Indieworld's Spring Book Festival. Don't miss out on all the free and discounted books we have on offer. 

There are books covering multiple genres including mine which is still available for 0.99 here. After the event the price will be 2.99 which frankly is worth every penny for something that has the "subtlety of Rocky Horror," is a "surprisingly good book" and "presses all the right buttons." I didn't even make that up-three different people said that.

So have a look and enjoy!

Friday, 24 March 2017

Pay attention, I have something to say

Before I go off and do family weekend things which I'll tell you about later-I'd like to draw your attention to that banner. Read it, I'll wait. Remember this website:

Between those dates go take a look and see what books you might like to read. These are written by a multitude of talented indie authors and me! There are many different genres. Something for everyone. Yes even you. Yeah I know how fussy you are, but even so, you should take a look. You never know, we might surprise you. 

Some of the books will be on offer for the duration of the event. I'm in the erotica section, and just for the event Modified will cost a mere 0.99, go on, it'd be rude not to!

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Stop the world...

I could say it's been one of those weeks. It's only Tuesday. (I think.) I could also say it's been one of those years, but it's only March. Maybe it's just one of those lives!

I went out to buy a toilet rim block for the downstairs loo this morning, couldn't find one, came back with a punnet of strawberries. Not sure how that will work. But I'll run with it.

I started the week with a long list of things that I needed to do all under the heading of wife/mother/work/author. I failed to write the list down. Fatal. Now, as well as losing half my mind, apparently I've lost half my list. But I've gained strawberries. Does that help?

This is where I need to win a serious amount of money on the lottery so I can employ an assistant.

So far I think I have managed to ascertain that we'll be able to get into London for the annual theatre trip, despite the best efforts of the rail company to thwart my plans.

I have remembered that I need to cause an outburst of maniacal hysterics by working out how much it'll cost to replace our bathroom before the wall at the back of the shower cubicle falls down. Add to that the numbers involved in replacing the family caravan with something more suitable for what is in effect a family of four adults. And whereas I have booked in Sam the degu and Crunch the tortoise for their holiday this year, I have yet to secure a place for Cossie the bearded dragon.

I absolutely wrecked my diet over the last few days because we were celebrating my husband's birthday. I've now got a run of a few days to undo that madness before the next birthday.

Speaking of which, there is a possibility of a lunch out that won't break the bank for our daughter's birthday. But I have realised that unless a box of After Eights, a hair widget and a bookmark are deemed exemplary gifts, I have a stunning lack of 17th birthday presents sorted out. I suppose I should be grateful that she at least likes strawberries...

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

SEX Now I Have Your Attention

Morning, evening, who knows. I think I'll declare a coffee emergency. There is not enough of it to deal with today. I'm shattered and I haven't done anything yet. It is very grey beyond the dinosaur model standing guard at the French doors. I'm blaming the weather for my lack of energy.

For those asking, Nate and Day, the sequel to Modified is about half finished. Or more. They've just got to the bit where the thingy happens and Widget decides to do the something that means that the other bit has an issue. But it's all OK in the end because the vending machines still work and some people removed items of clothing.

In the mean time I've written a couple of articles for the Navigating Indieworld web site recently. This one is my favourite, naturally. It's kinda clean. Sort of. 

SEX Now I Have Your Attention

Enjoy your articles responsibly.

Monday, 13 March 2017

New Super Power...

...nothing quite like blowing your nose and being able to feel a stream of tears shoot out of your right tear duct. I'm not sure if that has a purpose, but what can I say, it made me feel quite speshul! Bloody cold. 

In other news I bought a new book cover. I have given in and put naked people on the front of my book. Looks like this:

I have no idea who these people are, but with any luck the cover now looks like it's probably not a physics text book or something wholly factual. It was either that or a banner on the front saying "Warning contains naked people."

I have also written a short story which will be included in a free anthology coming up. The short story does not contain naked people. Although there are a couple of guys wandering around in bathrobes and work boots, but only because it amused me. More news of that later.

And for now, here's a short video of Sam the Degu making a racket trying to destroy his cage.


Thursday, 9 March 2017

Author interview with the talented Ember Raine Winters.

Good morning/evening/whatever. I don't know where you are, I barely know where I am. Today I am thrilled to be able to showcase the lovely and talented Ember-Raine Winters. Grab a coffee and I will attempt to ask some intelligent questions...

-Tell us a bit about yourself, who you are, where you’re from, what do you write, do you write full time or do you have another job and what you do for fun when you’re not writing. (Inside leg measurement, head circumference, shoe size-kidding!)

HAHA! I have a huge head but I guess it's better for my huge brain! *laughs* My name is Ember-Raine Winters and I am from Southern California. I have written in two separate genres, YA Dystopian and Adult Romantic Suspense. I do write somewhat full time but only because I help my mom with her printing business as well. I love to read and writing and social media have become a passion of mine since I started my publishing journey a year ago.

-Was writing a lifelong ambition? When did you start?

Writing wasn't a lifelong dream. I always liked the idea of creating my own worlds, but I never actually tried to write a full length novel until about three or four years ago. I have been hooked ever since.

-Producing a book involves many different things-what do you enjoy the most?

I love interacting with readers. A part of the new marketing strategy I have started, I do a lot of Facebook takeovers on blog pages. It is so much fun interacting and getting to know readers! I love it!

-Is there anything from writing through to promotion and publication that you wish you didn’t have to do?

The whole graphics thing gives me the most trouble and its one of those "do I really need that" types of things. I hate it, but I do it because they really are needed.

-(Please don't mention graphics right now I might cry. I cannot do graphics) Tell us about where you write. Do you have a dedicated space or are you able to write anywhere?

I do a lot of my writing from my phone so, in theory I can write from anywhere but I have a patio chair in my backyard that I do a lot of my writing in.

-I would love that. Alas it rained yesterday so maybe not! Do you have a process or any habits that must be completed before you start writing?

No not at all. I am easy when it comes to writing. If I have just started a story and put it down for awhile I will go back and read what I have written so far and continue from there.

-Name a place fictional or real that you’d like to visit.

Ireland! I have always wanted to go to Ireland and do like a two week long tour of the whole country. It wouldn't hurt things to meet a hot Irish guy with a sexy accent! Haha!

-Another place on my doorstep I've never been to, I really ought to get out more! Who are your favourite authors and what are you reading at the moment?

I haven't been able to read a lot lately I have been busy promoting and writing. I love Rick Riordan, and JK Rowling, I also love K. Bromberg, she's an awesome romance author.

-What music do you like? Who is on your current play list?

I love older late 90's early 2000's rock and pop. 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park and Matchbox 20 are on my playlist constantly!

-Ah older lol I grew up in the 80s-older still! Finally, if you weren’t a writer and you could choose to do anything else with your life what would you do?

I have been wanting to start a non-profit sports organization that helps underprivileged kids pay for sports programs. I would probably do that.

Thank you so much! Earthlings you may now click all these links to be transported elsewhere. Off you go. Click stuff.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Author interview with self publishing legend Carole P Roman

What on earth do you ask a woman who has published more books than I can count, has won a ton of awards and is so far at the other end of the publishing spectrum to me I can barely see her? OK I did try. Please put your hands together for Carole P Roman.

Voice: You're not on TV
Me: (Thwacks owner of voice round head)
Also Me: (Now has headache)

Congratulations for many things: Your recent article in Forbes, your new radio show, the book Navigating Indieworld-A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Publishing and Marketing Your Book co-written with Julie A Gerber (thank you for that book). I have tried to count how many books you’ve published. I counted as far as a lot. How many different series of children’s books have you published and how many individual books is that in total? (I love numbers!)

Thank you so much, Amy. Sometimes I can't believe myself what I've gotten accomplished. My first series, Captain No Beard has 10 books, If You Were Me and Lived in...(cultures)- is now on the 22nd book, the historical series of the same name has 10, I have a nursery series with 5 books and finally I've just completed my first early reader chapter book. Oh yes, I co-authored a book with Julie Gerber, as you mentioned. So, by my count, that's 48 in five years.

(Whoa, sits down, drinks coffee, recomposes self, attempts coherence.) When did you write the first book and as things move so fast these days, have there been any drastic changes in the publishing world since you started?

Yes, as soon as I learned how to do something, either Amazon or Createspace would change the rules. Createspace originally was one-stop shopping. They had publicity packages, posters, bookmarks, videos, illustrators- all kinds of services that were phased out over the years. Amazon allowed you to ask people for reviews. It was easier to get your books reviewed and the reviews stayed up. Now they will randomly remove the ones they think were not by people who bought the book. They changed the pay structure on Kindle so you get paid only when the book is read. It's harder to market a book as well as harder to turn a profit.

How do you start each book or series? Do you have a brain storming session with anyone or are you very secretive about the next project?

It usually starts as a hazy idea. Something will motivate me, it could be a conversation or a sunset. For my latest book, it was the feeling that the papers on my desk had taken on a life of their own and were multiplying like the brooms in Disney's Fantasia. I took that idea and wrote my first chapter book about an eight-year-old girl whose backpack becomes so packed with all her problems, it bursts.

The captain was based on playtime with my grandkids, the nursery series are love letters to all my grandchildren. The cultural and historical series are born from my love of those subjects. I don't think long about things, I usually just begin to write and see where it goes.

Oooh oooh something we have in common-I also just start and see what happens. (The result is usually weird.) To write the number of books you have you must have a dedicated space unlike me sitting on my sofa. Tell us about where you write. Are there any weird habits you complete first or do you just start writing?

I will stall and that usually involves something fattening. I like to check the conversations of Goodreads. So many of the authors make me laugh. Once I go through all my different programs (email, gmail, hotmail, the bank, Amazon) and I can't put it off, I open up a Google Doc and start writing. I check my word count and as I see it increase it motivates me to push harder. I write all over the house or in my office. I have no set or special place.

Out of all the books you’ve written which one is your favourite and why?

I love them all, each and every one of them. I love the captain series because it's stories about my home and family. (even my husband is a character). I enjoy researching the historicals and culture books. I find the information fascinating. The other books are personal to my life (girls can be anything they choose to be), or trips to the stars and other planets. (I am a total space geek). Each one represents something that was important in my life.

When you were the age your books are aimed at-what did you read?

My grandmother lived with us. She was a wonderful storyteller. She would tell us tales of her life in Europe and I loved hearing about them. She was more interesting than anything I could have read in school. Once I did discover books, I was in a healthy competition with my best friend to see who could read the entire Nancy Drew series. I won- I read them all 100 books. Mostly, I read adult books. There were always books laying around the house. I read anything I could get my hands on. I was reading Tropic of Cancer, I think, when I was in Junior High. The teacher called my mother to complain. My mom said she didn't care what I read, as long as I read. She was my reading partner most of my life. We had our own little reading club.

You’ve written books set all over the world. Is there anywhere you haven’t visited that you’d like to?

I'd like to see the Taj Mahal. I want to go back to Florence. England is my favorite place in the world- I loved Bath and Stonehenge, the Cotswolds. I want to go back for tea. I'd like to spend a day in the Hermitage. I'd like to see the pyramids in Egypt and Petra in Jordan. I want to stand on the Great Wall of China and spend the day in St. Paul de Vince in Provence. I would like to ride in a gondola with my grandchildren and visit the Sistine Chapel in Rome. (It was closed for repairs when I was there.) I want to show my grandchildren the Hall of Mirrors in Versailles. I'd love to see Pompeii.

Those are some great places.I think you've seen more of England than I have and I've lived here all my life! Who do you read for fun now and what’s your favourite genre? 

For a long time, Regency's were my favorite genre. Right now, I'll read anything. I just finished A Gentleman in Moscow. It was a beautiful book, lovingly written. I didn't want it to end. I always finish my night with something historical and non-fiction.
If you had to write another genre what would you pick?

I love genre jumping. I would like to write an adult historical fiction novel about World War 2. I'd like to honor my father by writing about his experiences in the war.

Finally, what’s the one piece of advice you’d give to someone just starting out as a writer?

Have a great time. You are going to learn so much about yourself. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and don't be surprised when something amazing happens. The first time you read that review where you really connected with someone is both intimate and gratifying. Unless you have writers in your family, nobody will understand your elation.

Have a thick skin, prepare to wear many hats and enjoy the wide ride of self-publishing.

Thank you Carole. They wouldn't all fit, but here are three of Carole's books.

(Me:This is where I come from. No it isn't. Shut up voice)

Test all the links for me, hit everything, all at once:

Website  Facebook  Twitter  Goodreads  Amazon

Monday, 6 March 2017

Oh for the love of all things caffeinated

It's the age old problem of having a list of things to do, achieving some, thinking there's plenty of time left in the day and then realising the kids will be home in 90 minutes. WHERE DID THE DAY GO? I am only on my second coffee. I may need a caffeine drip.

I should tell you that there is a promotion on my book on Smashwords. It's available for FREE for a short period of time HERE. (That link should work. Only "should" it's been one of those days.) Don't read it if you don't like reading erotica. It's not a fairy tale.

Anyone who read my post I rant therefore I am will remember such mundane issues as school shoes. SUCCESS following an email conversation with a member of staff who could circle a pair of shoes deemed not suitable for school on a jpg I sent, suitable school shoes have been purchased. In 88 minutes I'll find out if they fell apart or caused blisters on their first day. Better bloody not at £48 a pair!

I should also tell you that I am currently working on a short story that will be available for free. More free stuff-how will you contain yourself? This will not be erotica. Although try as I might I can't make it not weird. (Still writing weird and I'm not even taking brain altering medication at the moment-maybe I am just...weird)

And just because I need to moan about this I am having a fight on my hands trying to reduce the number of strange little worms growing inside Cossie the bearded dragon's vivarium. I don't know what type they are, but I'm getting sick of seeing the floor of her home undulate. Not a clue if she's bothered by it. They aren't the type she likes eating. Speaking of Cossie-I have no idea how she managed to lay eggs underneath the skull ornament that was in the corner of the viv. I know she can fly and breathe fire, but I didn't realise she also had opposable thumbs. 


Everyone likes something for free. For a limited time only, 24th July-30th July if you're after books to download for the summer that...